You know who I want to be? Hank Moody. You know, the emotionally damaged writer on Showtime’s hit original series, Californication?
And this, of course, is the part where I say I feel like that show is written about me. Which is just the kind of bullshit douchebaggery that you would expect from a narcissist like me…and Hank. I already drink more than not, say 80-90% of the inappropriate thoughts I have out loud, have a never-ending string of meaningless relationships, and one lost and unrequited love. All I need is a best friend who’s a porn producer with a coked-out wife.
And writing talent.
And rock-star friends.
And interesting original content.