Oh how the mighty have fallen

Is there anyone having a worse week than Sammy Sosa?

Granted, I’m unemployed and depressed about it, and below me are the unemployed with no one to love them, and below them are the homeless, and below them the homeless and hungry, and below them the tortured and imprisoned, and on and on and on and every single one of them is having just a really terrible week.

But at least they’re not embarrassed.

Let’s be honest, if I’m unemployed, no one really cares except my friends and family. If Bill is homeless, no one really cares except his estranged daughter. If Nigeria is starving, no one really cares except Sally Struthers.

But when Sammy Sosa cheats at America’s Pastime™, everyone cares.

Me, I don’t even like baseball. I never watch games on TV, I don’t have a team, and I don’t know who won the world series last year. I go to maybe one or two games a year, in a group, and looking for hot dogs more than pop-flys. But still, I know who Sammy Sosa is. Sammy Sosa is a hero to the young and old. Sammy Sosa represented everything that was good and pure and free about America. Sammy Sosa was a symbol. Sammy Sosa was Captain America.

Sammy Sosa is a cheater.

And you know, Sammy Sosa isn’t a bad guy (I assume). He has real feelings, real hopes, real compassion, and he may really have picked up his cheatin’ bat by mistake. Unfortunately, though, a man in his position simply can’t make mistakes like that… and I’m sure it haunts him, because he’s let down a nation. And that’s a lot to bear.

So, is anyone having a worse week than Sammy Sosa? I don’t think so. Well… maybe Martha Stewart.