Things that I do or do not do in work restrooms, first in a series:

.: I do not, under any circumstances, want to be seen leaving a stall. I am not sure why. Nevertheless, my need to not be seen leaving a stall is so great, that I will wait patiently for other restroom occupants to either enter their own stalls, or leave completely. Being caught exiting a stall when a new player enters the field would most likely result in immediate cardiac arrest.

subset A Should I leave my stall, and, while washing my hands, hear that another restroom occupant is leaving his stall, I must wash up quickly and efficiently, and exit the restroom as fast as possible. Otherwise, the stall-exiter will see me; and, being generally aware of his aural surrounding surmise that I was previously in a stall as well. Not acceptable.

.: Thou shalt not talk to me. Don’t…. just don’t. Don’t sidle up to the next urinal and ask me about the game, don’t stand waiting behind me talking about that one project. Do NOT finish your business and wait by the sinks talking at me from across the restroom. You are shouting in a sacred place. You will be smote.

.: Thou shalt not here me whilst occupying a stall. The quiet inward prayers for mercy, the grunting, the panting, the exclamations of surprise and delight… what the hell are you doing in there, and why do you think no one can hear you?! Stop it!