In a strange twist of reality, the same anxiety I had about growing out The Facial Hair jumped on me this morning as I went about shaving The Facial Hair. Should I leave it? Should I just trim it? Will people think I’m weird without it… which is the oddest one as, save for a few multi-day camping/biking trips, I’ve never let The Facial Hair grow for more than three days. But do you want to know the truth of how odd I am? This is the truth:

The reason I shaved is because I realized that I was going to need one of those beard trimmer things if I was going to keep the 3-5 day growth look perpetually. Granted, I have hair clippers; but, they are too coarse, and the guards are too large to do me any good unless I’m going for at least Kris Kringle length. So a beard trimmer and hear comes the truth part:

So I had to shave because there was no way I was going to walk into Target with a week’s worth of growth (and obviously in need of a trim) and buy a beard trimmer. I simply could not go through with ambling sheepishly up to the check-out with said beard trimmer and perhaps one other unnecessary purchase such as a Pepsi or some printer paper as a cover, and say without actually saying, “Hi, yeah, this whole Facial Hair thing is obviously gotten way out of control and I had to run over to Target during my lunch hour in a desperate attempt to stem the tide.”

ADG thinks I’m crazy.

Which is true, but you have to understand how incredibly important it is to save face in front of minimum wage Target employees. Wait, what?