I find it fairly astonishing how many times I leave the bathroom with my zipper down.

I do not mean to imply by this, by the way, that it happens on a regular basis, or even close to a majority of the time. I can not, in fact, remember the last time this happened to me. I can, however, recall that is happened before, and on more than one occasion, and this fact, the happening at all in my “adult” life is what I find fairly astonishing.

Consider: how many times (not inebriated) have you put your shoes on in the morning and forgotten to tie them? This does not include those times when you fully intend to leave your shoes untied (ie taking the garbage out, running out for the mail briefly). This also does not mean you perversions with Velcro (OK, I totally used to have Velcro “laces”, too, and would again if style dictated). I instead refer to any given time when you fully intend to embark upon the entire shoe-donning process. I’m guessing you’re thinking “never”. Me too.

>Ever put your gloves on without putting your fingers in the, ummm, fingers? Tie on with out knotting it? Shirt without buttoning (not mis-matched buttons, which can happen by accident; but actually completely forgetting to go through even the ill-executed act of buttoning)? I’m thinking “no, no, no”