My parents are visiting this week; which is a strange affair where they largely do their own thing, and then take me out to dinner when I get back from work.

This weekend, they went to the beach on their own (I was busy with a friend’s upcoming wedding preparations). Before leaving, they came by my apartment to ransack it for beach supplies.

“Do you have a beach blanket or beach towels we can borrow?”
>”Are you sure we can take this on the beach? It will get all sandy.”
“Are you sure?”
“Well, can it be washed?”
“Do you have a chair your father can sit in?”
“Do you have another chair?”
“You only have one chair?”

Then, my mom delivered the best non-intentional gut-wrenching burn of all time. It was so good that my friend Chris nearly swallowed his tongue when she delivered it. It was so good that I think I bled from my ears a little bit more than usual. It was:

“Do you still have that beach umbrella…or did ADG take that, too?!“

1. Insert knife
2. Twist
3. Repeat step #2
4. Laugh maniacally