It’s funny. I get periodic search reports for my website detailing what, if anything, people have searched for on my site. This is the same way that I know that people are still coming looking for Japan, see-thru skirts (welcome, new searchers!). That is so (and literally) three years ago!

At any rate, every now and again I get searches from people from high school. I know that they’re from high school for one simple reason. They search for Kate Bartells.

Kate, for me, was The One. She was (and is from the last recent picture she sent me) a stunningly beautiful girl, wicked smart, funny, engaging, etc. Everything I ever wanted in a woman but couldn’t have… or at least couldn’t figure out how to have. She was a cheerleader that was also in the band, and in the honor’s classes, and in student government. She was the Homecoming Queen (I think?). She dated the quarterback. She was that girl and everyone loved her. Those who didn’t were truly just jealous, because a sweeter person did not exist.

Anyway, she was apparently all of this to other people as well, as I only can assume that these searchers found my site through Googling Kate, and then searching through me.

And they’re always guys.

How do I know that you wonder? Because after searching for Kate, they always search for themselves… and no, buddy, I didn’t write about you.