David Kleeman not cursed?

CALIFORNIA (AP) – Recently maligned Los Angelino David Kleeman may not be “cursed”, as many pundits have been saying, after all.

In recent months, David Kleeman has suffered an almost uncanny series of emotional, financial, and physical setbacks, including the destruction of his multi-million dollar estate, the unfortunate destruction of a number of his vintage automobiles, as well as the many and various failed relationships with local starlets. Though insiders claim that Kleeman is actually rather proud in regards to the last point, taped phone conversations with an unknown female friend obtained by this news agency, suggest otherwise:

“I dunno, sometimes it just feels like I’ll never find anyone, you know?” a voice identified as David Kleeman is heard saying in a February 13th phone conversation, “I mean, tomorrow is like, Valentine’s Day or whatever, and I totally don’t have a date.” Though the unidentified caller reminded Kleeman that this was due to the inability to choose between several possibilities, Kleeman remained inconsolable.

At any rate, despite these setbacks, things may be looking up for Kleeman. In a new report issued today, evidence suggests that the perpetrator of the first vehicular incident was actually an uninsured motorist, a fact not revealed to Kleeman at the time. As such, because of the impressive insurance coverage necessary at Kleeman’s financial level, the costs of the repairs will be covered under his Uninsured Motorist coverage… thereby exonerating Kleeman of any more financial responsibility.

Kleeman’s attorneys declined to comment on the amount of the pending financial settlement, but David Kleeman himself was quoted as saying, “That’s totally more than a couple of X-box 360’s, yo!”