What the hell is this?

I mean seriously, what the hell is this?

McDonald’s claims that it’s something called a Filet-O-Fish® and is described as:

Golden crispy fish filet, American cheese, special tartar sauce on a toasted bun.

Really? I guess it is technically fish as, according to the ingredients, the “fillet” is made of Pollock or Hoki… both of which are apparently humanely *cough* compressed en masse into frozen fish blocks which are later cut into fish-sticks, fish-patties, and (apparently) Golden crispy fish fillets.

As for other ingredients, it doesn’t expressly say “ground styrofoam”, but I think it’s implied.

I think that it’s also important to note, for those training to be Sumo wrestlers, that each Filet-O-Fish® contains 400 calories, 18g of fat, and 640mg of salt. Of course, my preferred Big Mac® has a mere 560 calories, 30g of fat, and 1010mg of salt… but at least then I feel like I earned it.

In all of my 32 years I have been happy, even proud, to say that I have never had a Filet-O-Fish®. “It’s not even fish!” I’d say, “Why would I even want that?” And happily away I would go, chewing a Big Mac® with smug satisfaction. I hadn’t even considered breaking this self-imposed Filet-O-Fish® embargo until today… when I was forced to.

I was running errands. I went to the MOCA store for some Christmas gifts, and then back across town to Eden (Home Depot) for some stuff I need for a couple of projects I’m working on. On the way home, hunger crippling me, I caved and went through the McDonald’s drive-thru and ordered my usual (#1 with a Coke). I drove home, nibbling on fries as I went, parked, brought everything inside, turned on the TV to watch a Scrubs re-run, and reached for my Big Mac® Filet-O-Fish®.

…

“Those fuckers!” I said out-loud.

Not only did I not want a Filet-O-Fish®, or order one, but I’m pretty sure the Big Mac® I paid for cost a lot more (and would have tasted so much better). If I was going to be weak enough to eat McDonald’s in the first place, was I really going to have to eat something I didn’t even want? Apparently so.

And so, my 32 year long streak is over. I have eaten exactly one Filet-O-Fish in my life… and it was awful, really, really awful.