Going through my mail… too awesome to pass up:

>>Dear Friend,
Great News! The 13 Free Issues Certificate enclosed is guaranteed to bring you 13 Free Issues of MAXIM.

Why?

Because MAXIM is written for you. Especially for guys like you. MAXIM speaks your language and knows your fantasies. You’re the Man and MAXIM knows it!

MAXIM is here to celebrate everything that makes your life outstanding! Hot women, cool cars, cold beer, high tech toys, breathtaking sports action, spectacular sex.

MAXIM always delivers the goods. Learn the sacred art of dwarf tossing…how to hypnotize your penis…the domestic pleasure of topless maids…boosting your sperm count…and much, much, more…<< I am more than a little excited about all of this. In fact, as I am evidently The Man, I’m totally ordering two.