Oh. Man. Hold all my calls and clear my schedule, my local grocery store is now selling dry ice! I am so stoked, and you all know exactly why. That’s right, self-reenactment of Michael Jackson’s Thriller video entirely contained within my one-bedroom apartment! Man, I can’t friggin’ wait!

Before I get too far ahead of myself, though, I should make sure to read the handy pamphlet provided entitled “Handling and the Many Uses of DRY ICE”. Here are some key excerpts:

Handling Caution
DO NOT handle with bare hands, it can cause sever burns. Use tongs, cloth gloves, a cloth napkin or other separator to prevent direct skin contact.
DO NOT taste or put in mouth

Brght! Hwell Fhat’s Wunderstanglable…*spit*….OH! So, don’t touch under any circumstances AND don’t put in my mouth. Oh, OK.

Protect Trophy Game
Pack your animal or fish in dry ice to ensure non spoilage. Remember, do not allow direct contact of trophy with dry ice; this may cause superficial damage.

Next to this warning is a picture of the majestic head of a 10-point buck. I find this pictogram a bit limiting. Might also there be pictures of the heads of children, mall perfume sprayers, communists, or any other viable, hunt-able object?

Wheat and Grain Storage
Place 1 pound of dry ice per 100 pound of wheat. This will kill bacteria and insects.

I dunno, I just found that funny. I mean, everyone knows what to do with their hundreds and hundreds of pounds of wheat!

Other Uses
Fresh Meat Processing and Shipping
Carbonating Beverages
Inerting and Purging
Deflashing Molded Rubber and Plastic
Industrial Cleaning (dry ice pellet blasting)
Water Well Treatment
Freeze Branding
Shrink Fitting
Low Temperature Testing

I don’t know what it is, but I’m all about dry ice Freeze Branding!