In a fanfare of trumpets and to the heralds of angels, the Anna Nicole Show debuted last night.

Best. Show. Ever. (next to The Osbournes, of course)

Be it when she got her ass stuck in a table, her grunting and panting when trying to get out of various bathtubs, or the fact that she was walking around in what had to be a substance-induced daze for the better part of two days, every moment was like a well-developed pearl. It was a train-wreck, ladies and gentlemen, you couldn’t help but stare.

I think this show announces the zenith of reality-based programming. From this point on, it can only go downhill, because, baby, we’ve seen the best.

Case in point, a quote from the Ask Anna section of her site:

From Dean Fava: Would you ever consider dating a blue-collar worker, such as a New York City fireman? I’m just curious–and single.
Yes, I’m just desperate–and horny!

Ah, Television…is there anything it can’t do?