Happy Valentine’s Day!

I’ve been fantasizing about shooting people, lately.

Not really shooting people, just tagging them with a pellet gun in their butt or their arm. Interesting that I should still call that “not really shooting people”, as if picking people off with pellet guns is perfectly fine.

But Officer, it’s totally justified! All I want to do is shoot the garbage men who continue to insist on emptying the dumpsters below my window on or about 6:00 A.M. That’s just wrong.

I also want to shoot the bastard who sits, not directly but nearly, below my window and honks his horn repeatedly; presumably to signal his friend living in an apartment nearby… at 7:00 A.M. Did I say repeatedly? I did. I have an idea Mr. Honky-Honkerston: get your fat ass out of the car, walk up the admittedly daunting one flight of stairs, and knock on the damn door! Other people exist besides you.

He will get a BB in the neck.