There’s a commercial that comes on somewhat regularly for a portable metal detector. There are several scenes of retirees, as well as hott young co-eds, using their metal detector to catapult them to riches beyond their wildest dreams. At the beach! In the mountains! In your own back-yard! The spot culminates with a young guy beaming over the engagement ring he found out in some deserted wooded area.

That’s right, profit off the heartbreaking losses of others. Teach our children, Mother Television; teach them well.